Roller Coasters

I would like to talk about roller coasters. Not in the literal sense but in the figurative "I am on a roller coaster in life" sense. It is meant to symbolize the "ups" and "downs" in life and how drastic they can be. I do not think this is an accurate analogy however. Let me explain.

At an amusement park you ride roller coasters for the thrill. You get on and the anticipation of going up the hill is exciting and fun. The plummet down the other side is exhilarating and wonderful. So really the downs are just as fun if not more fun than the ups. There are no "downs" on a roller coaster, only "ups". The whole freaking ride is great even if you pee yourself a little.

Allow me to propose a more apt analogy for those times where you say "It feels like I am on a roller coaster". I think in those situations you should say "It feels like I am drowning in a bog of monkey shit but every time I struggle to the surface and gasp some sweet life giving air, a Russian dude in a way too tight wrestling outfit hits me on the head with a dead ostrich foot and I start to sink back into the nightmarish bog of primate feces."

Granted it is a much longer expression but I think it more closely parallels the situations where people use the roller coaster analogy. See, drowning in the shit bog is the downside, gasping sweet life giving air is the upside, and getting the fuck out of the bog is your end goal, which is freaking awesome and then you can finally face that god damn Russian on more equal ground, except he probably still has that ostrich foot and you are most likely weighed down with monkey shit.

So the next time you have a situation you are in with drastic "ups" and "downs" ask yourself is it more like an awesome fun roller coaster ride or is it more like trying to escape a shit bog where even if you manage to escape you may or may not have to fight a sadistic Russian armed with an ostrich foot.