Gum

I like gum. It can taste delicious and give me something to do with my mouth besides say stupid things and make weird noises. I do however have a problem with most gums. They tend to lose their flavor rather quickly. While chewing something is entertaining I lose interest in it when it loses it's flavor, much like I lose interest in any single girl who mentions that she has children.

Some gum brands have tried to fix this and they have made gum that lasts a fairly long time. The problem is that the gum usually tastes like a foot that has been soaked in garbage and left in the sun for 24 hours. Having an incredibly long lasting gum is pointless without delicious flavor to back it up. It is like having sex for a really long time but you are wearing two condoms and are being flogged with a hose spurting blood out of the end of it. Also you don't have an orgasm.

My solution to the flavor not lasting very long issue is usually to just get a new piece more often. This however becomes expensive and creates a lot of trash, not that I really give a crap about the environment but finding new places to put chewed gum is becoming tiresome. Anyway I still search for a solution to my deep and pressing gum issue or at least until I get distracted by spider monkeys, but alas let us save that for another time.